康熙来了 is really a damn funny, witty variety show.. & i guess it's kinda bcos of how S& kang can manage to bring out the 'truths' in ppl tt attracts ppl.. lol.. && anw, I like 蝴蝶姐姐! hahaha.. She's sooo cute and sweet.

Anw! Music therapy is really good. Such an easily influenced person like me, it's much easier to be healed by music. haha.. sad songs makes me depressed, rainy days makes me sad, high songs makes me filled with joy; and fine days makes me alive. SOO easily influenced. Is anyone e same as me? I thought i'd be e only one who becomes depressed any-o-how when e bathroom is dim.. but sherlyn and her cousin turned out to be the same!:) So i guess i'm not alone.. lolx. (PL always 提醒 me about it.. haha..)

Anw, 2009 is coming to an end, I guess i should do some sort of a conclusion about my JC life. haha..

Well, 2008 was a fabulous year I'd say. It was filled with sooo much fun and great stuff i nv thought would happen to me. It's a year when i came out of my comfort zone, and tried many neeww stuff tt's fun~ Like being able to be myself, being more daring to speak out, and enjoying my school life very much. I got to be emcee for C.O& guitar concert, wed espresso(tho this one wasnt very well.. hahaha.) volunteered as helper for some sch events, joined e slacking IT club, got to learn chinese literature, GSC& GP which made me very happy. I didnt appreciate maths and econs that much until my second year. Anw, Chinese lit.. it may sound very cheena yes, but i guess it really takes some passion and patience to appreciate it. I wouldnt blabber about its greatness here.. haha.. dun wry. GSC&GP-- they taught me how to argue, e logic behind a written argument, and i finally got to force myself to read and find out about singapore, about the society, and to learn some facts and figures, that in my opinion is rather important. I appreciate the beauty behind writing an essay.

What i like about econs is.. It helps me to know more about the economic terms, the structure, policies, and their usage, which i like alot because i can relate to them and understand some related newspaper reports. (though im still kinda weak) But i feel i've learned something i'd remember for the rest of my life.. and that makes me happy..

As for maths.. it's kind of complicated. I love maths, and i hate maths. If not for my own sluggishness and laziness in J1, haha.. I think i wouldnt have had hated maths some time in J2.. hahaha.. cuz i realised i forgot tremendous amount of stuff i've learned, and at that time, there was a need for me to dedicate the precious time on econs, for i had wasted my J1 econs lessons learning close to nothing. I would blame my J1 econs teachers, and myself for this. Cuz they didnt teach us how to study econs.. and i didnt thought of trying my own way to try to figure out just What is the best way for me to study econs. I guess i'd thank my sis for recommending me to study by writing out notes. It godamn works! haha.. Ohya.. bck to maths.. It's actually a wonderful thing to study maths.. And e sense of satisfaction u get when u understand how to solve a question and manage to solve a similar one is great too... I guess i'd say that actually stats is easier than pure maths for the exam.. but if u'd ask me to do the maths preliminary exam for other schools, i dun think i can do it.. Prelims are big killers.. haha..

As for Project work, i actually didnt really like the way it drained my energy out cuz it's really tiring.. But i like my group mates.. they're actually very nice.. sharifah.. saykiong..etc..(miss yall alot!) It was the first time in my life that I skipped school too.. HAHA. which i dun regret at all. You see, im the kind who'd feel really guilty or uneasy if i skip school without a good reason. Even if im a little sick, like flu, i wouldnt, unless it's like a really baddd sore throat that is enough to let me tell my mumzy, like 'hey mumzy, i'm sick. i dun wna go to school today.' & then drop dead on my bed. Oh anw, i skipped school because i didnt sleep on the previous night at all.. working throughout the night with 2 other pw grp members till e morning when i really couldnt be bothered no more, and felt like i was gonna get a heart attack anytime... I wonder if anyone did pw until such a pathetic state like us.. hahaha.. the results is good.. which made it all worth it.:)

Enough of academic stuff..

ok.. anw, on my blog, i only write wadever comes to my mind, there's isnt a very decent stucture cuz i dun like to draft or think too much when i write on my blog.. I'd only click on the backspace if i dun think i should publish what i've wrote..=)

Anw, 2009.

2009 was a lousy year, in e sense that it was filled with emotional turmoils.. E ups and downs was totally crazy. I'd be happy this moment and the next moment, i couldnt find a reason to smile. Often i'd feel so lonely and depressed, feeling like i had been deserted by the world, when in fact, it was often me who rejected the world. If i'd compare my sec school life with my life in J1, i'd say.. I had been mostly feeling inferior and very.. quiet? closed up? But it was different in J1. We all got to start anew in a new environment, we got the chance to be more daring.. and most importantly, be ourselves. That was SO MUCH different from sec sch years, when i kept surpressing myself, controlling myself to be what is more 'accepted', rather than who I was. It's like Taylor Swift's song, Fifteen--

"And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out
Well, count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen"

But now we know better. Well the sad thing is, I didn't be myself when I was in J2. I guess it's prolly bcos it was too stressful for me, for i put lots of pressure on myself. I knew that i was fallin way behind so many, and if i didnt try harder, i wouldnt make it. There was many long periods of time i'd feel insecure, depressed. I couldnt smile naturally, couldnt See the reason why i had to smile to anyone, and no matter how much i tell myself tt i shouldnt be like that, i couldnt control myself. I guess i had offended AlOt of ppl becos of my dulan look when i dun smile. haha.. paiseh, couldnt help it man. But now im starting to get much better. It's like a emotional tornado that swept me off my feet, and now i finally pulled myself out of it. A little wounded i am, but i'll certainly be better in no time. Just like how much fun! i had when i was waiting for O level results...

Well.. It was a lil hard to walk through the journey, but after going through this year, i feel im stronger. Stronger than before.

I'd say, 2008 was a year filled with surprises, confidence and fun, and 2009 is a year that has made me stronger.

I shall put aside my worries for A level results, and some unwanted worries aside for now, and have the best time of my life. It'll be damn fun.:DDD Afterall this is life, we should live everyday like it's the last day of our lives no? ;)

Anw, I'm gonna clean my heart out of dirt and insignificant, petty stuff that's filling my soul with rubbish, and start giving it some vitamins and sunshine:) I dun want to live just for anybody, neither will i let anybody's judgments and labellings affect me so badly anymore. Afterall, I live for myself and my family, and my good friends of course! haha.. i guess we all know who are the ones who truly cares for us deep in our hearts. And these ppl are precious enough for us to cherish and care. We dun need loads of hi-bye or fake friends, even if it's only 1 or 2 good friends, it's enough ya? Let alone i have more than 5!:)

OK!!! quite enough said! haha. OH. btw, i finally made my own atm card today.. haha.. and my contact lens which i havent wear for who knows how long? noe wad? my left eye's perfect, and my right eye's 75degrees.. haha.. So i only need to buy lens for one side.. lol.. Noo.. im not wasting money.. u might be thinking tt there isnt a frigging need to buy any lens, buT! i need them.. cuz i keep having migraine these days cuz i strain my right eye too much.... serious!
haha..

Alright.. Well i feel like shopping tml.. =) random.. haha..

+*goodnight:)*+

P.S. Would it be weird if I change my name to.. Belle? or.. Ashley? haha.. just for fun! like e korean Soo Min i named myself previously.. haha.. BYE!