Oh, to add on, i havent read a good novel kinda book for so long!(Have been reading more of self help and practical books!) I hope Eat, Pray, Love would be the perfect book for me! Take me to Italy and India~~

Hey hey blogger~~ sorry i hadnt spent time here for quite some time><
u can put the blame on fb and my new need for higher privacy, which led to my starting to write in a diary..
You know, I've finally found the joy of writing in a diary. Last time when i tried to write in a diary, e attempts all didnt last.. cos e diarys are too cute and i have to control my handwriting when i write on a nice piece of paper so tt i won't spoil it(tho e handwriting's still messy. HA.).. Or else it'd be tt i didnt really understand the principle tt u've got to write it in ur own style, ur own creative way, and not forcing urself to write in the format of those novel diaries and all...(which i cldn't grasp previously) But anw e joy of writing a diary is tt u can organise and understand ur thoughts better, and u don't have to restrict urself so much on what u write, cuz it's ur own book and u dun have to care about how others look at u. Recently i feel tt my thoughts are getting more clear and calm.. less childish too.. i feel.. and i think it's a pretty good thing..

I guess working is a really good thing too.. U get to learn more experiences; see realism and the act of human nature, and different ppl handling different situations on hand differently, be it tricky or not. BUT. the bad thing is i feel im slowly losing touch with ENGLISH. oh no. oh dear. tt's bad tt's bad. Better start reading up!

Oh yea, and recently im also in love with English romance kinda songs like Stars.. And these 2 words popped up in my mind while i was listening to my music on the streets today.. Here it goes..

"Hopelessly Romantic"

maybe i heard it somewhere in my life but can't remb whr i heard it from.. But well, it's a perfect combination tt emits a kind of light somehow(: Sweeet. I like;)

OK. ~ tt's all folks!~

HAHA.

love,
boonie

Instead of saying outloud how i feel right at this moment, how do you think i should feel right now, waking up in the middle of the night at 4.29, staring at the screen in the chilling wind in my kitchen.

Idk, i actually woke up from a nightmare.. but that led some unhappy memories to my mind.. well, what can i say, this type of timing is just perfect for such memories to visit.

Well, i'd say, i've always been the type of person who'd try my best to get something that i want if i really really want it. Not to the extent that it'd be foolishly hurting someone, but the largest extent would be what i say fair competition irregardless of any other points.

Maybe you don't know what i'm talking about cuz it sounds too jumbled and complicated.. Putting it straight, let's just say for example if there's a guy that i really really like, i'd put away my dignity and 'chase' after this person until i get an answer that i want. even if things are complicated, like for example there's another girl who also happens to be a closefriend to this guy and likes him too. this is called fair competition. and of course i dun do these things without thinking it through. So long as the strong emotions and my determinations are present, i'd let myself go through what needs to be gone through to reach my destination even though i know it might (or would definitely) hurt myself in the process, or that it could end badly in a sense that things would be awkward. Just because i dun like to let things that i cherish to go past my life without putting in my best efforts to make it stay. And if i know that someone isn't suitable for me, i wouldnt delay his time, no, cos it wouldn't be fair for him, and i wouldnt want someone who likes me to be more miserable if i let question marks to be dragged on. it's selfish. this is me; very stubborn. i guess it's both good an bad. haha, what am i talking about. yes, everything has its own qualities and bad points yup.

Oh yea, but right now recalling these bad memories that's falling down from the sky like snowflakes is just plain painful. but hah! i chose it; i made these decisions in the past, and i remember me telling myself clearly that even if things doesnt work out the way i want it to be, i shouldnt be unhappy, and i should let go of it like letting sands fall from my hand; allowing it to be gone with the wind of fate and moving on happily becos i know i've tried.

this is what i want to tell the ppl whom it may concern in these fragments of memories:

Memory 1: I'm sorry; but i hate you too.
Memory 2: I'm sorry; i was just having problems with my confidence back then. it wasnt an attitude against you or anything. i know i've hurt you, i'm sorry& i didnt mean to do it. like i said, i wouldnt want someone who likes me to be hurt.
Memory 3: Were you just treating things in life a game? I dun like to play games, sorry. I had loved you, but now i see things clear, and i hate you.
Memory 4: I dun know what made me did these, but i guess it could be the strong emotions. I'd say, if time turns back, i'd nv have joined the club and make myself miserable like shit; spending my time and energy on something as useless as this. maybe i could have done better in As without this crapshit. i think i was like blind or something.
Memory 5: Sorry, it's not any of your faults, i admit it now. I'm angry, but i'm in fact angry with just my foolish self. i shouldnt have let appearances affect my own confidence, or i should have done something to save myself from the crapshits instead of seein myself literally falling helplessly. You know why i love JC the most amongst pri, sec and college? In primary school, we get pushed around by ppl because of our own innocence and fears. In secondary school we get pushed around by certain* people because we care too much for the wrong things; because of pressure, and because of inconfidence. In college, it's a brand new environment, and we get to start anew with life. it all began happily, until J2 when things started to go downhill, with all the problems clashing down at one frigging go. My own sudden lack of confidence that made me feel like redrawing from everyone; problems with friends; problems with studies.. I guess these are enough to drain myself spiritually. & i guess my changes were rather obvious.
Memory 6: What did u mean? i don't understand at all.. But nonetheless, thank you for the fragments of happy memories..:) and i'm sorry for some things too.

Sometimes i kinda don't understand myself.. sometimes it just feels like everything is your own fault. But after thinking through the stuffs once more, you'd know that, No! it's not like it's all your damn fault. you don't have to be so harsh with yourself. girl, it's like you're blaming yourself for all the things that went wrong.. when things shouldnt be like that at all. sure, u are partly at fault, but u've blamed yourself enough, even more than how much you should. what can we do now that all's said and done. So yea, it's time to move on with the white christmases. haha.. and don't be so foolish next time. Be resilient, and be practical with solutions, and be clear minded. haha. 当局者迷，旁观者清。医人比医自己困难。有时候我知道自己在无理取闹，但是当下可能其实我只是想要我在乎的人多关心一下我。虽然这种无理取闹的情绪带来的问题比安慰多。但算了。随风去吧。

我看见了好脆弱的爱情.. 又或许我看到的并不是真正的爱情, cuz love is true and strong.

应该改口说: 好虚伪的人啊.................

怎么会这样呢?

Today's a fine day~ Not really in terms of weather! but in terms of mood and all.. Went out with Maira to Orchard.. We were looking for Cathay Cineleisure.. But were unsure of its location haha.. Orchard-痴.. But we saw the Shaw house so anw we went there.. Initially tot there werent anymore 'Remember Me' movie.. but turned out Shaw house was still playing it:D So we bought the 2.15 tickets.. It was only 1++ when we reached the place.. So we chatted and got some bubble tea while waiting.. Each -a-cup's bubble tea is sUper sweeet can.. i didnt manage to finish it.. and the pearls were SupEr chewy.. too chewy for me.. haha..
And so we the time passed and we went for the movie.. My rating for the movie.... 1.5Stars.. haha.. My god the movie was boring. hahaha.. except for the last part that made me cry.. the rest was... like.. no climax.... haha.. Maira was rather interested in Shutter Island which i think is SCARY. haha.. by leonardo dicarprio.. well anw.. back to the movie.. I was rather restless thruout.. haha.. but well.. managed to sit thru it! i tot i'd cry for the movie.. and indeed i did.. luckily i wiped off my eyeliner b4 entering the cinema.. cuz it's non-waterproof.. haha..
Later we went shopping~She bought a top, while I bought some stockings and a wallet from Mango:D A brown leather wallet.. haha.. shall show some pics below.. first time buy stuff from mango.. wakakaka.. >:D abit Sua Gu. HAHA. oh well.


Btw, i'm rewatching... Totoro!:D
Super CUTE. my next fav after inuyasha^^ Dun wry.. i still love inuyasha:D

Gdnight~ tml there's work. boo.. nvm.. i'm working till end of this month onlY.~~

Let's just throw away those lil lil troubles and listen to the sounds at night. Right now, I dun wanna think about anyone, anything, regarding the past, the present or the future. No nth at all. absolutely, totally, zero, none, nah, zilch.

Told my boss I'd work till the end of this month.. He is the NICEST boss I've ever met(Not that i have had alot of bosses) But yea, u get what i mean:) I'm sort of in a dilemma.. I wna work but i'm sick of working.. But after reading some biographies, i feel like challenging myself to earn more money for the company through some new experiments.. I'm actually a very ironic person.. Or is everyone like that..? e.g. I'm confident, yet insecure. Dno what's wrong with me either.. I'm a very independent person(at least to a large extent), yet i'm very dependent on ppl, in a sense that sometimes i need ppl's recognisions and approvals when i do something. Sometimes this can be tiring. It can be good in a way whereby i'm polite to ppl and i know the basic ways to treat ppl. dun be surprised that nowadays not much ppl noes how to treat others with basic courtesy anymore, let alone go the extra mile without being asked to do so. In my opinion, this society is very much self-centred and self-contradictory. The way i have become moulded by this society is NEgative. U dun feel happy and great if u dun have ur own mindset and thinking AND the ability to open ur mind to listen to others' opinions at a neutral stand. i dun noe. i just feel that it'd be a disaster to leave ur fate in the hands of the society cuz ppl are selfish and u won't get what u want even if u worked hard for it, unless u do it smart. Well, anyway, i hope i'm on the right track towards my life destination now. There're afew obstacles in my sight right now which i'm sure i haVe to get rid if i want to breakthrough this vicious cycle in front of me. but it's gna hurt if i'm gna throw this away. It's like asking a rich woman to throw away her precious diamond in order to grant her a wish that would be better for her life. HAH. what an analogy. whatever. something like that.. I remember the days in J1 when everything were new, and i could be myself, and everything were good,& ppl were nice. I loved it. i could do what i want and i even stepped out of my comfort zone to host for afew events.. where some were mediocre performances, and some were fantastic. Wish I'd have the chance to live such a life again. Maybe i should open up my mind and sort out what i want again.


Soliloquy:
*******Slowly we recognize and some sorta know who will be there for long, no matter what happens. let's be contented with what we have, even if it weren't expected; even if part of the truth hurts. cuz this is life and reality. Don't let someone else's heck care become a burden on ur shoulders, cos they dun even care in the first place ya?*********

我决定了. 不管结果如何, 我是不会再重考了. 如果进不了大学, 那么我就要去追逐我自己的梦想了.

我是独立的个体, 我根本就不是什么脆弱的小鸟, 也绝不允许这个社会改变我的本质.

终于找到自己了. 好开心. 从今天起, 我会变得更强壮. 我要抱着希望和勇气活着. 我不喜欢看着别人的脸色, 心惊胆战地活着. 我是能够飞翔的. 那为什么要让这社会的看法放弃那片属于我自己的天空? 我知道只要我想做, 我就一定能做到. 只要给我时间和鼓励.

我要突破了.不管走在哪一条路, 我都要突破一切. 这才像我. 才像自信坚强的我.

what momo said is true.. It's better to have a few true friends than alot of fine weather friends.

Wad is friendship? This is a tough question.

Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
* Elbert Hubbard

My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, you've had a great life.
* Lee Iacocca

It's no good trying to keep up old friendships. It's painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.
* W. Somerset Maugham

Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
* William Shakespeare

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can by trying to get other people interested in you." -- Dale Carnegie

"You can hardly make a friend in a year, but you can easily offend one in an hour." -- Chinese Proverb

"It is the friends that you can call at 4 A.M. that matter." -- Marlene Dietrich

"A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself." -- Frances Ward Weller

Friends are born, not made.
* Henry Adams

"To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed ~ That can make life a garden."
-Goethe

"A friend is a gift you give yourself."
-Robert Louis Stevenson

What is frendship? What is love?

Somehow i feel, some of the best qualities a human can have are: sincerity, appreciativeness, intelligence, health& courage... Wad do you think?
Oh yes, and looks. oops.. superficial much.. but still i think it's still rather important... in this superficial world.
Anw, i've just realised, the easiest way to get some quick happiness is to shop.. haha.. It feels so good to get the stuffs that you want, feeling that u've put in the efforts to work and thus you deserve it:) Currently hooked up with Hula& Co. clothes.. and some of Charles and Keith stuff:o)

Let's make our lives more meaningful and happier by sorting out of mind and deciding which and who are the important things and people in our lives. I shall stop clinging onto stuff that slowly but will gradually suck out my energy. Life's short:)

Btw! went to visit the National museum today! Visited the Quest for Immortality Egypt artefacts exhibition.. Very interesting! Should go walk around if u're free too.. Students' admissions are free.. I went w my sis.. But now still not student so have to pay $16:X Then went Orchard and Amk hub to do some shopping:) haha.. Buaiz~

Feel like buying a watch.. but can't bear to part with my $$!~ haha.. wait till i really need it ba! If wna buy, buy a good one:) Got influenced y e Vagary advertisments at the City Hall MRT.. haha.. Everyday have to see the advertisements twice.. It feels like i'm reading e catalogue when i walk pass the ads.. haha.. Very pretty watches they have! haha!

Wahseh... Just watched 妻子的诱惑.. Frigging blood boiling... It's partly because of this kind of man that's why woman must be more independent and strong.. Sometimes even stronger than them.. Just to protect ourselves.. Haiz.. This Encai.. so poor thing.. IF I WERE HER! I'd have divorced at the 10th episode.. She still can tahan till episode20++... Haha.. siao ady me.. Her in- laws are lyk frigging BAD can. and she's so naive.. I think mean in-laws are such a tragedy.. I had a colleague who had mean in-laws.. So poor thing.. came from cambodia and still have to tolerate such treatments.. Think foreigners so good to push around isit..? Next time they had better experience themselves being ALONE in a foreign country almost permanently.. See if they still dare to treat ppl so mean >:D hehe.. Haiz.... so poor thing............

Oh yes! JIAYI! *waves like mad back* HAHA. thanks for reading, and thanks for your advice! Actually i didnt give up psychology! I just wanted more time to confirm if what i want IS really psychology.. so tt i won't regret my choice! haha.. But now dno whether can anot.. Pray for me!:D